The day she asked me not to come, I didn’t. It was one of the longest days I can remember. I couldn’t study, nor could I concentrate. Every sound, every moment dragged.
My mind kept replaying that very scene of that kiss, her lips trembling. Her hands were holding on to my shirt, the expression in her eyes before she yielded. By evening, I almost drove to her stall anyway. But I stopped myself. I knew she wanted space, so I had to respect that.
The following evening, I went to the stall like nothing had happened. My heart was pounding faster than ever, but I acted casual. Like usual, she was there, serving customers and moving quickly between the stove and the counter, back and forth.
When her eyes finally met mine, she didn’t smile, at least not right away. But then, slowly, she just happened to show a small curve of her lips. It was enough to tell me everything was okay.
I ordered tea and stood aside deliberately for the crowd to thin out. Her eyes finally met mine as our fingers brushed each other while handing over the tea for the briefest of a second.
Later during closing time, I helped her as usual. We didn’t talk about that night; there was silence between us, but it wasn’t awkward. Rather, it was heavy, alive, like we both knew but weren’t ready to say out loud.
On the way back, she seemed quieter than usual. Not tense, just thoughtful.
Finally, she said.
Seema: You really didn’t come yesterday.
Me: You told me not to.
Seema: You listened.
Me: Wouldn’t have meant anything if I hadn’t.
She gave a faint laugh.
Seema: You’re quite stubborn in strange ways.
I smiled.
Me: Maybe. But I’ll only push when I know you want me to.
That made her go silent again. She turned to the window, looking out, trying to hide her smile.
When we got to the entrance, she just sat there with her bag on her lap, without immediately trying to get up and open the door.
Seema: Ayaan, I thought about it. About us, Ayaan and I have to say. I thought about us a lot.
(she said softly)
My chest tightened.
Me: And?
She hesitated, then sighed.
Seema: This is really tough for me. I do not know if I can handle it. When you kissed me, I did not feel like it was wrong. I felt alive. I have not felt that way in years. That feeling is what I get when I think about you and me and that kiss.
Her voice was emotional.
I reached over, putting my hand on top of hers. I wanted to comfort her, to make her feel calm and safe. I wanted her to know that I was there for her.
Me: I don’t want to hurt you. I want to make you feel alive again.
She looked at me with shimmering eyes. For some time, she did not say anything. Then she finally whispered.
Seema: Not here. Too many eyes. But maybe… another time.
Two nights later, as we were about to reach the entrance of the colony, she said to me quietly.
Seema: Don’t drop me at the gate today. Come inside.
My pulse kicked up.
Me: Are you sure?
She nodded without looking at me.
Seema: Yes. But no rushing. Just…tea. Talking.
I didn’t argue. The streets were weirdly quiet. There was not a single soul around. But I could hear something away, it was a faint voice making announcements, that was hanging in the air. Curious, I asked her about all this.
Seema: There is a colony function. Everyone must have gone there. It is the sound of announcements.
I couldn’t help but party in my mind. Saying to myself in my mind, “Well, what a perfect time to show up.”
At her house, the routine repeated— with two cups of tea and both of us sitting across from one another. But this time, it was different. She was not running away; she was not restraining herself like before.
Seema: I don’t know how far I can go. But if you promise me one thing and one thing only, maybe I can stop fighting this.
Me: What promise?
Seema: That you’ll respect me, even if we stop. Even if one day I can’t continue.
I nodded immediately.
Me: I promise.
Her shoulders relaxed. She leaned back, looking at me for a brief moment. And then, in a whisper almost too soft to hear, said.
Seema: Come here.
When she said, “Come here,” I almost froze for a moment, making sure I had heard her right. But her eyes were steady, waiting.
I got up slowly from the chair and went and sat on the chair near her. She adjusted her chair slightly, making space beside her. For a moment, we just sat there close without touching each other.
I gently placed my hand over hers that was resting on the table. She did not move her hand away. Instead, she turned her palm upward, lacing her fingers slowly with mine.
The quietness still there was not empty. It was full of many things, and both of us were aware of what was happening.
Finally, I said softly.
Me: Are you sure?
Her lips curved into a faint smile.
Seema: No. But I want to be.
That was all I needed. I leaned in, slow enough for her to refuse, but she didn’t. Our lips met once again, but softer, longer and juicier this time. Not the rush like earlier, but something deeper, more certain, calmer and enjoyable.
Her hand came up to my cheek, holding me there. The kiss was deeper, but not desperate; it was warm and gentle as she wanted to feel every moment of it.
At last, we separated. She leaned her forehead against mine.
She whispered.
Seema: I haven’t let anyone this close in years.
I brushed my thumb over her hand.
Me: Then let me be the one who doesn’t hurt you.
Her eyes got all teary. She did not cry. She took a breath and let it out slowly, then leaned against my shoulder. For quite some time, we just sat there—her head resting over my shoulder, with my left arm wrapped around her shoulder.
Minutes later, she lifted her head slightly, turning her face to face me. Then came another kiss – longer and more certain than ever before. Her saree rubbed against my chest as she leaned over, and I felt her body soothing into mine.
I didn’t rush. My hand moved to her back. I held her gently. She kissed me harder this time. Her fingers gripped my shirt. She pulled me in. The world outside faded. It was just us, finally giving in to what we both had been holding back.
She broke the kiss, breathless, and said.
Seema: Come with me.
Her voice was breathy, but it carried everything. She held my hand and led me to her bedroom.
There was nervousness in her steps, but no doubt. I followed her silently.
Inside the bedroom, she turned to face me, her hands shaking slightly as she touched my face.
Seema: Promise me again that you’ll respect me even after this.
I held her hands firmly.
Me: I promise. Always.
We locked eyes again. She leaned in, and we kissed, which felt deeper with every breath. I held my right hand on her thick waist while my other hand was holding her face while kissing.
Our mouths moved in rhythm, tongues entwining, tasting, teasing. Until we melted entirely into each other, making breath and desire indistinguishable.
This moment stretched on. It was slow and unhurried. Every heartbeat felt heavy with desire that I struggled to contain.
When our lips parted, I went down to her neck. Softly kissing her and licking her with licks. She started shivering with pleasure as her fingers intertwined with my hair. I did not stop there; my tongue followed a slow line of teasing on the nape of her neck, causing her breath to come quicker.
She pushed me a little, and there was a little distance between us–just enough to have allowed the air to flow in between all the heat. Slowly, she unpinned her yellow pallu and let it slip down from her shoulder onto the floor. She suddenly intervened as I was about to unbutton my shirt.
Seema: Don’t (she murmured). I’ll do it.
She moved in closer, her sweaty scent wrapped around me as her fingers traced down my chest— undoing one button after another.
But when her fingers reached the middle, her gaze started lingering. Her hand paused, over my abs, exploring the lines of my body with a teasing touch. With a slight smile, she said almost to herself, “Kadak hai.” (It’s hard.)
I was extremely jacked at that time. She paused with a small smile on her face as I whispered.
Me: Just like you.
That smile lingered as her fingers unbuttoned every single button, one by one. She slowly moved the shirt down my arms. I then took it and threw it on a table nearby.
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